Breathe

Take a breath.... deep... inhale the cold air... it cools your lungs, your rib cage, you feel everything inside as the cold treads your insides.... what do you feel?
sad, mad, bad, unsatisfied just a tad?
na, this is a different feeling.
more like something stuck, knotted, more like... something heavy.
this weight, this something holds me down and steady.
i think i'll take another breath... even deeper... i cant get my thought on it.
like an x-ray i search what i cant see.
like a sonar i search every detail to catch a glimpse, lets see...
nothing.
WHO could have nothing? WHAT could have happened that theres nothing? WHEN did this nothing happen? WHERE is something, anything?? WHY nothing??? HOW can there be nothing?
WHO WHAT WHEN WHERE WHY HOW????
So many questions, everybody asks questions, Ask Jeeves.
So many answers, everybody wants answers, pet peeves.
theres a glitch in the system, Microsoft.
my euphemism in my system, jacked up, aloft.
i feel i need to reboot, recharge, hit the shut down button and restart.
no need to find out what the problem is, no patience
i dont care what the problem is, could care less
i want the easy way out, less stress.
i dont want to live by those rules, should I?
i'll toss the ball and score a cup, no eye to eye.
fuck it, get messed up tonight to breathe a sigh.
get lost in the world, block my mind, stop time just to get by.
do it again tomorrow spread my wings and fly dont cut my high.
dont wanna think about it, its wack.
my best friend Daniels and... whats his name?? oh yea Jack.
1 2 3 4 5 ill be gone but ill be back.
Grey goose, swimming in Malibu,
new neighbors Mr. Smirr and who knows who(scoff).
theres no feeling, no knots, no care, no stress, no screams, no rage, no tears, no pain.
nothing.
all the laughter its deafening,
so many people its confining,
i need to get out, a lil breathing...
take a breath... deep... inhale the cold air... bring back to life the lungs from the warm daze... what do you feel?...
take another breath... even deeper...
my breath on the cold glass lingers for a while, more thoughts,
another breath fogs the glass, and another thought lingers,
my inner sonar has picked up the nothing.. and its everything but nothing.
its an immensity,
a compilation,
an overload,
its the everything meshed together, brought together, held together, fused together.
its this substance grown into immense proportions.
mutated and concentrated into this monster of sorts.
it felt like nothing but in reality there is something there of great magnitude.
heavy, solid, concentrated, profound, wicked, invasive, growing, impenetrable, quiet, cold..
i dont wanna feel like this anymore,
i wont take the easy way out of this core,
gunna push it to the limit, LOUD ROAR....
what is this i ask,
something to analyze, quite worthy of a task,
and the answer is clearer than day in which you all bask,
theres no confusion, no questions marks
no fear i dont mind swimming with any sharks,
fear me of who i am and who ive become, who i am destined to be,
its all really just a game, a real spelling bee,
your in it to win it, dont care about the L-O-V-E,
its a cold heart, cold soul, cold night, cold fight,
i guess that meteorologist nigguh actually, finally got it right...
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA.

...

Fallin, too fast, clearly... rules dont apply...
cant believe how this goin,
takes too much, im growin weak, low supply..
im in need, i hope you see, what this is doin,
deep inside, inside of me...
im fighting all these thoughts, all these dreams,
all these memories, all these things,
that brought me to my knees...
im fighting what this could be...
this could be something...
this could be, this could be something...
this could be the very thing ive suppressed,
the very thing ive madly expressed ,
the very thing ive compressed...
crushin to a pulp the chance to look at you and cough a nervous gulp.
like back in grade school seein you walkin down the hall,
make me do a double take and run into almost every wall...
if this could ever feel this real forever,
if this could only take away this endeavor,
if this was jus another fever,
i'd be on that Tylenol: laying down next to you who made me a believer..
this could be something... something...
shit.. something is fukin wrong with me thats the sure thing,
started with a regular fling, but this fling shot me through the sky,
otta this world im on some type a high,
higher than the Moon, Sun, the Stars, on our cloud 9,
our souls kicked back givin the world our shine,
we shinin im yours and you're mine,
im lost in your eyes, i cant focus onto your gaze, so divine,
im not drunk, but my heart has been treading in lightening drinks and wine for quite some time...
im speaking as if something meant to be, we coulda been..
but reality just sank in,
i jus hit another wall and i crack a grin,
u walk off with your personal escort,
im not cut out for this hope, or any type of that sort...
this could have been something,
but fate has its own scheme where it does its own thing,
and it has placed me. and you. on different roads.
not even Boy Wonder or Einstein can break those codes.
im on the corner of Broadway and Thot,
this could be something... another lesson taught.

got a light?...

how can someone search their own soul...when so much has been gnawed, corroded, tormented and had a toll...to feel a behemoth of rage enclosed into fists...to feel nothing at all.. no sense of time, of concious, of coherence, of life in this... no depiction and recognition, no surroundings...what can u find in a once thriving, now erroding world, lost things...consumed by negativity, strike after strike...still have a phase to shine like the very moon that we all like...shine temporary and conditionally...no love here, power sinking wildly...how can u search...when u dont know whats left to search... but like a Energizer battery...i keep goin and goin and goin and goin...

take a minute...

the first time i saw u i was transfixed,
like a dude bein hypnotized i was stuck,
stuck standin there like dam, rubbin my eyes, wheres the visine,
my perception: a girl of my dreams, nothin like what ive seen,
tried to catch ur eye but my courage lasted only till wen u looked my way,
wen u looked back i had to turn away.
i was staring at perfection.
do a lil step, create a rhythm,
my heart beated to the flow and movement,
never heard u talk, i cant wait to hear ur sound,
wats this feelin takin over me, feelin like i cant rebound,
as i left i felt it, said ill see u later,
i cant wait for the next time to see her.
had you in my mind like u wouldnt go away,
all trippin, im pretty sure im okay,
you have set my mind, my heart, so free,
us together, however jus u and me.
i met with u again... dam its 3am??
jus goes to show that im down for watever and that ill be where ever,
i cant wait to have you here by my side,
to kiss and caress u girl holdin u tight,
i must be on a real good one cuz it feels alright,
i got a whole other lovin, its out in the city for us tonight,
call me mr. honest mr. loyal mr. true mr. awe.
mr. for the right reasons ill be urs nd make u say ahhh...
talkin usher talk, never has a girl hit me on the first sight,
this is somethin special, this is jus like dynamite,
explosion of me onto u and u onto me,
wat can i do but jus want u more and set u free,
im burning to let u know of wat we can be.
portable heater, no more cold nights,
ill take u down, lets lay back and turn off the lights,
and my perception is even clearer in the dark,
i see u clearer, soul shinin so bright.
so perfect like a Donovan's Steakhouse Plate, dont even wanna take a bite.
so lets sit and talk for a minute,
go outside and take a walk for a minute,
tell me what u feel for a minute,
cuz i can tell u how i feel in a minute...
DING!
ur the type that i need, the only one that i see,
everything about u is the way that i like, everything about u makes me feel alright,
and when we keep the motion, this emotion,
i feel the love strength, full devotion,
im never shy baby, thats why i say it lookin into ur eyes baby,
dont jus use this for sake of pleasure and ecstasy,
we are are more than jus a fantasy.
listen to wat im saying girl i wanna let u know,
we can keep it real nothin like us can change,
but lets take a step where it isnt strange, and go beyond our own small range,
lets go farther into wat we can venture,
indiana jones dont got nothin on this adventure,
im followin my own intuition,
time to fill up the gas tank and go on this expedition,
lets sit down and talk for minute,
go outside and take a walk for a minute,
my love is jus more than a minute...
think about it... take a minute.

diamonds

been around the world, seen alotta places
been searchin around for more, seen so many faces
been nothin but an adventure, call me indiana jones
ive finally found myself my diamond, no more sticks and stones
dont get me wrong theres a lot of precious stones,
but the one i want makes me tremble, hear my bones,
i tremble with exitement at the look of her sparkle,
i tremble with anxiety as she takes over, status: matriarchal.
i tremble with my heart poundin so loud
dam im feelin i wanna take u but i wish i was allowed,
my eyes didnt find u under a rock,
my eyes didnt find u lookin into the ocean from a dock,
my eyes didnt find u jus walkin around the block,
my eyes found u in the sky,
sky high is where i found this diamond, kinda shy,
i was lookin at perfection wen i was blind to my own reflection,
diamonds... i saw u... i saw myself... reflected in ur shining curves,
diamonds... bendin the light and bendin my soul,
diamonds... told myself i gotta have u in my possesssion, as a whole,
diamonds... ur audacity to shine n beautify when everything around u is dark, i lose contol,
keepin it real not even george lopez, oraleeee, can make fun of,
sayin gurrrll i will CUT u, bon qui qui showin some love,
the shine of her structure blinds you,
she might jus be smilin her radiant smile too,
put ur stunna shades on if u think u can handle ma boo,
this diamond in the sky is the brightest star, all true.
she shines a shocking pink, maybe a majestic purple, either,
rare colors rare to find rare to keep rare to shine, take a breather...
let me spend some time, have me talkin like Drake
ur the best i ever had, i wanna stay awake,
im gunna be ur letter "S",
ull never feel alone, cuz im endlesssssss
i have my eyes fixed on u, i recognize purity and integrity,
i see u, even when we turn the lights off,
they say "ur my one in a million" well i say ur my one worth than all the millions,
ur my diamond in the sky, and my perception,
is as clear as ur reflection.
life is to short to be ordinary,
diamonds are forever, and we, are extraordinary.

if i was a love poet (rudy francisco)

im gunna be honest,
its not often that i find myself eager, to write about love,
in fact, when i try, my hands cramp, just to show me how painful love can be,
sometimes, my pencils break, jus to prove to me that every now then love, takes a lil more work than u planned,
i heard that love is blind, so, i write all my poems in brail,
and my poems are never actually finished because true love...is endless.
ive always believed...real love... is kind of like a super model,
before shes airbrushed, its pure, and imperfect.
jus the way that god intended.
im gunna be honest, im not much of a love poet,
but if i was to wake up tomorrow morning,and decide that i really wanted to write about love... my first poem...would be about u.
about how i love you the same way that i learned how to ride a bike:
scared, but wreckless.
with no trainin wheels, or elbow pads so my scars can tell the story of how i fell for u...
im not much of a love poet, but if i was...
id write about how i see ur reflection in every cloud,
and and ur face in every window u see,
ive written a million poems hopin that somehow maybe someway ull jump out of the page and be closer to me cuz if u were here, right now,
i would massage ur back until ur skin sing songs that ur lips dont even know the words to...
until ur heart beat... sounds like my last name and u smile like the pacific ocean,
i wanna drink...the sunlight in ur skin...
i swear, if i was a love poet, id write about how u have the audacity to be beautiful,
even on days when everything around u is ugly,
id write about ur eyelashes, and how they are like violin strings that play symphonies everytime u blink, if i was a love poet,
id write about how i melt in front of u like a ice sculpture everytime i hear the vibration in ur voice,
and wenever i see ya name on the caller ID,
my heart plays hop scotch inside of my chest,
it climbs onto my ribs like monkey bars,
and i feel like a child all over again,
and sometimes...sometimes i pray to god, that he turns u bak into one of my ribs jus so i wouldnt have to spend another day without u...
i swear... im not much of a love poet... but if i was to wake up tomorrow mornin...
and decide that i really wanted to write about love...
my first poem...would be about u...

iT hAppEnD haha

i told myself this wasnt gunna happen,
like magnetic poles i dont know whether to take is a positive or a negative,
it somethin thats make me my insides all misshapen,
and now im like the stone thinkin man, all pensive...
see wen way back to wen i used feel jitters in my stomach and couldnt help but smile at the thought a u,
i was so into u i made all them other girls wonder who knew u,
and wen the sinkin feelin of truth rushed to my soul,
it was like raging rapids of a roaring river...
complete... disorder.
my eyes saw the memory that they have lived upon, stevie wonder.
my ears picked up the soft vibrations that reverberated my eardrums, thunder.
my lips tasted ur vey soul that fought through my lips and won,
my lungs took in deep ur very essence that fuels this fire, never done.
my body trembled in the attempt to contain my heart beat louder than the deepest war drums,
as i rmrbr ur sweet caress wen our skin made contact,
i was certain that i have broken my own written contract,
i told myself this wasnt gunna happen,
i dont know to take this as a positive or a negative,
it happened... we. us. is wat happened it wasnt given.
i feel this has taken a step in the direction of becoming addictive...
our history, is nothin to be constructed from,
but to be demolished in our fading of us to become,
im tryin to change to make it the best for us,
but fuk i jus realized im jus the same but without all the fus,
im not hungry to see u,
im not tempted to touch u,
im not motivated to pursue u,
but all i think of is u...
the words ive written, are printed here for ur evidence,
and wen i lay down as the moon comes up, ur essence,
like the bowels of the nite air fill the empty lungs givin me life,
ive jus saw u more clearly, my wife?
u could be, dont know wat could happen. deal or no deal.
told myself this wouldnt happen, surreal.
i love you, millions and millions of times i replay it,
dont take me for granted, my shits legit.